Dear Professor Gribben,

I read with interest your plans to publish a sanitized version of Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn. I know that removing the “N” word is controversial, but you really just want to protect sensibilities of those who are offended by the word. I get it. So here are some other books I think you should consider…

Dear Sarah Palin,

You might think that your words and actions — talking of putting people in the “cross-hairs” and putting gun-sites on various districts — don’t matter. But they do. Didn’t you teach your children to think before they speak? Did you tell them that what they say and the words they choose matter? Maybe not, given…

To the Mother of the Barefoot Bandit:

I suppose this is the first time in a long time you have been disappointed in your son, Colton Harris-Moore. His capture in the Bahamas went directly against what you had told him to do: evade authorities and find a place that had no extradition treaty with the United States. Maybe he didn’t know the…

Dear Woody Allen,

So you don’t think Roman Polanski can be punished? How ’bout you deliver up one of your young daughters to him when she turns 13 in a couple years. If he drugs her and has sex with her, then tell me if you still think that he’s suffered enough. Lisa

Dear SEC Employees*,

Don’t watch porn at work on work computers, and don’t store said porn in your desk drawer. Someone always finds out. And if you work for the public, it makes you look like an ass. Lisa * Actually, anyone who has a paying job, since there’s millions of other people who don’t and would love…

Dear Health Insurance Industry,

Perhaps if you want to make a point that you aren’t the evil weenies of healthcare and aren’t gouging your customers — especially the individual policy holders — then maybe you should think of somewhere to have your industry meeting other than the Ritz Carlton. Might I suggest a Holiday Inn near an airport? Just…