My mom came up last weekend to spend some quality time with me and Darling Son. Our relationship is, well, interesting. Since my Wasband made the decision to undergo gender reassignment surgery, Mom has been uninterested in being and unwilling to be in the same room with her. That means that next week, when Darling Son graduates from junior high, Mom won’t be here. My brother is flying up. My dad and stepmom will be in attendance. Mia will be there. And so will Wasband. But mom? She refused.

Like I said: interesting relationship.

Still, she is my mother, and when I read books with interesting mother daughter relationships, I compare and contrast, analyze and wonder. None are like mine and my mother’s relationship. Still, there are some good mother-daughter reads out there, for kids, teens, and adults alike. Here are some of my favorites:

The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew by Margaret Sidney — My mom bought me this book (along with a bunch of other classic children’s books) when I was maybe eight years old. It is the charming tale of the two oldest Pepper children, Polly and Ben, their mom Mamsie, and their three siblings as they struggle with poverty after the death of Mr. Pepper. Mamsie is strict, but loving. The children chafe against rules, but they end up doing the right thing. Of that group of classic books Mom purchased, it was the only one I lost, but I loved it enough to replace it as an adult.

The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan. The story of more than one mother and her daughter, I think this book comes closest to the complex mother-daughter relationships I know from my own experience and that of my closest girlfriends. It isn’t always pretty, but at bottom, there is always love.

Anywhere But Here by Mona Simpson. A book that turns the mother/daughter relationship upside down. This isn’t fiction for some of my friends. Many of the most amazing women I know raised themselves while their moms played child(ish). This book tells that story.

Wild Swans by Jung Chang. A non-fiction entry that I read when it first came out, this book was eye opening to me not so much in terms of the complexity of the mother daughter relationship across multiple generations — although it does explore that theme — but rather about  life in China over multiple generations and amid huge change and upheaval.

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. This is about a woman and a child not her own, but who she raised nonetheless. It is presented here in honor of nannies, babysitters, stepmothers, as well as the housekeepers and nurses of yore who raised the kids of their employers.

Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? and Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson. The former is the newish non-fiction version of the great piece of fiction (latter) written in the 1980s that won the Orange Prize. Both are amazing works of art and explorations of how fraught a relationship can be when mothers and daughters disagree on what is right and the trajectory one’s life should take.

A Tree Grows In Brooklyn  and Maggie Now by Betty Smith. I would be remiss if I didn’t include these two books. They were pointed out to me on the home bookshelves by my mother when I was maybe 10 years old. I think it was a summer day and I was kind of bored. Happily, I was a precocious and voracious reader even then. For that, I have to thank my mother, who read to us before we could do so ourselves, and who never stinted on creating a library for us.

So no matter how strange and strained my relationship can be with my mom, there is something I can lean back on and always, always be grateful. Thanks, Mom, for turning me into a reader.