Or How I’m Trying To Have My Cake and Eat It, Too

I’ve been seeing Mr. Right Now for three months. It’s a nice relationship — fun, drama free. He makes me smile. He is very attentive. He is kind.

Mr Right Now is fairly incorporated into my life, spending time regularly with me and Darling Son at the house, at a movie, or playing with his XBox Kinect. He is funny and has an irreverent sense of humor that is reminiscent of Darling Son’s favorite relative, My Snarky Brother. Mr. Right Now indulges Darling Son with fart jokes and other keys to teenage laughter. When out to a meal, he surreptitiously sneaks extra helpings of junk food to the boy. He has made himself eminently likeable. And not in a way that upsets me too terribly.

Given that my previous husband (The Wasband) is now a woman, it’s nice for both Darling Son and I to have a male guffaw at the table. There are other benefits that accrue to me, too, most of which leave me in a much better mood than I was before I met Mr. Right Now and none of which I will share with you now. Look at the picture. Don’t I look happy?

But while the boy likes the man, he is ambivalent about the dating. The other day he told me he hopes Mr. Right Now won’t morph into Mr. Right. When pushed, he acknowledges that a happy mom is in his own best interest and says he’d like me to be happy. But he also notes that he doesn’t like the idea of anyone but his father kissing his mother. Well that ship has sailed, hasn’t it? (And yes, he left it at kissing. Some things just burn to even think about.)

I remember quite well the indifference — if not complete animosity — I had to my mother dating after my parents split up. She went out pretty often, and had a couple of long term boyfriends. I can’t say I was thrilled with any of them. Some — like the one who kicked my dog — happily didn’t last beyond an initial date. Others lasted longer and took her attention away from me. Dates kept her from attending choir performances and swim meets, and that hurt.

So I have some sympathy with Darling Son. I know it’s hard enough to think of parents as sexual beings when they remain married. Add a broken union and sex change to it and I’m guessing the fact that he isn’t throwing a complete tantrum shows what a great kid he is. And I understand that me dating and having a relationship is harder to stomach than if it was Darling Son’s other parent, because he lives with me, not her.

I don’t think Darling Son not liking me having a boyfriend will last. But in the end it will probably be Darling Son’s increasing age and maturity that will get us through my dating with our relationship intact. Either that or the continuous stream of scatological humor and access to junk food that Mr. Right Now provides.